the choices we make
by kiss the queen
Summary: there are always choices. sometimes they're simple to make. other times they're not. what happens when kagome makes a choice that can't be reversed and inuyasha must suffer the consequences from his own choices? it all depends on the choices we make.
1. midnight flowers

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Inuyasha. No matter how much I dream that I do.**

**This is my absolute first fan fiction ever, so try not to be too harsh. I appreciate reviews, especially the ones that can help improve my writing. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the story. **

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The cold wind whistled in the night, like a ghost wailing it's sorrows.

Kagome shivered, even though she was underneath the thick blanket and snuggled deep into her sleeping bag. She looked over at the little fox kitsune laying next to her, one thumb popped into his mouth.

She smiled and pulled her body as gently and quietly as she could from the sleeping bag without waking the sleeping boy.

He twitched in his sleep and she froze, but he simply rolled over and continued sleeping.

She slipped the rest of the way out and wrapped her arms tightly around her body to keep herself warm.

For some reason she just couldn't get to sleep. It wasn't that she didn't want to. She was exhausted from running around the mountain peak, chasing after the demon crow that clutched a jewel shard in a large, clawed foot. But her body just wouldn't let her.

She looked up into the dark tree, where she caught a glimpse of silver. She sighed. Of course Inuyasha was still awake. He was always awake.

Normally, she would have gone over to him, but tonight she needed to be able to think. So she slunk around the tree, careful not to tread on the crunchy, dry leaves that littered the ground. She breathed a sigh of relief when she was out of his seeing and hearing range.

She had stumbled upon a meadow that she hadn't noticed was here before. It was small, about the size of a pond. It was surrounded by a ring of trees, with a small opening that allowed for her to walk in to the secluded area. It was a beautiful meadow, with thick grass and bright flowers that seemed out of place with the night so dark.

Except here it wasn't dark. The stars were glittering brilliantly, brighter then she had ever seen, and the moon was glowing in the sky, it's bright face filled with dark craters.

Kagome let out a pleased gasp and walked to the center of the meadow. Flowers shimmered and swayed in the chilly wind. Kagome sank to the ground and tucked her arms behind her head to look up at the sky. The stars here shined much brighter then the one's back home. But in this meadow they were like tiny, golden jewels twinkling beautifully.

She was reminded of Inuyasha in this meadow, with the silvery moon and the golden stars. She remembered when she had first met him what a startling contrast it had been. She hadn't realized gold and silver were such beautiful compliments to each other.

She sighed wistfully. Even in a beautiful meadow like this, her thoughts drifted to Inuyasha. She'd already admitted to herself that, yes, she loved him, and that no, she couldn't make herself stop loving him, no matter how many times he left to run after Kikyo.

Thinking about Kikyo made Kagome feel like a pale imitation. Which really if she thought about, that's what she was. An imitation. A replacement. Someone easily disposed of now that the original was back in all her glory.

Kagome tried not to think such rude thoughts, because that wasn't her. She didn't let herself feel pitiful and useless and unloved. She told herself she was just happy to be here with Inuyasha. But lately her mind had been whirring and some of the gears had shifted.

She had realized one night, when sleep had evaded her, that, what if she hadn't looked so much like Kikyo? Would Inuyasha had even taken the time? Would he still be with her now? Or would she just be a forgotten memory, never to be seen again?

She didn't like to think of answers for questions like those, so she had always forced herself to stop. After all, she had decided to stay here. Even after Inuyasha had told her she needed to go back home, because he couldn't keep her safe with Kikyo around, she had refused and decided to stay. But that was back when she had been happy with just being near him. Now she wanted more. Was she being too selfish?

She sighed again, and sat up. She didn't feel like looking at the sky anymore, or laying in this beautiful meadow.

She had depressed herself. She dusted off the dirt that clung to her clothes and plucked a flower from the ground. It was bright pink, with golden dust speckled on top. It was so unusual and strange she wanted to keep it. Why would a flower like that grow here?

She looked around. There were a lot of unusual flowers that she hadn't noticed before. Bright silver and orange. Purple spotted with black dots and green with yellow edges.

She wondered briefly if she should tell the others about her strange discovery, but then realized that it was just flowers and they probably wouldn't be interested. After all, they saw flowers all the time. So instead she tucked the pink flower into her skirt pocket and ambled back through the tall trees that hid the meadow.

She almost screamed when she saw a dark shape jump from the trees to land on the ground 20 feet away her. She saw silver flash. Inuyasha. But what was he doing here?

She squinted, her eyes roaming the dark for any demons or disturbances. She saw dark shapes of trees and plants but no demons.

Then she saw the black shape appear from behind a tree, like a shadow. She saw the dragon-like creatures circling the trees and her throat locked. Of course. Kikyo was here. She looked hurt. Her body was held at an odd position and she was clutching her arm tightly to her body. She limped towards Inuyasha and he rushed forward to catch her before she fell to the ground.

They looked so perfect like that, Kikyo laying her head on his chest, his arms wrapped so tightly around her, that it made Kagome's chest squeeze painfully tight. How many times had she seen this, and every time she did it felt like a knife piercing it's way into her heart.

Her eyes were burning and her head was pounding, a sure sign she was about to cry.

Inuyasha's head suddenly snapped up from staring at Kikyo and he looked right where she was standing, crouched behind a thick tree. Did he see her?

She breathed with bated breath and didn't even dare to blink. Finally, his head lowered slowly until he was looking at Kikyo again.

"I thought I heard something." she heard him say to Kikyo. She knew she couldn't cry. He would smell the salt and know she was here. But she couldn't help it and a stray one leaked from her eye. She wiped at it quickly.

Kikyo and Inuyasha were talking in soft voices and kagome strained her ears to hear.

"……came out of nowhere. I first thought it was a stray demon, but it appeared to be a pet. A women came with it. Inuyasha, listen closely. It has a master. I couldn't get a glimpse of her face because it suddenly attacked me, but when she came, strange flowers started blooming. That's all I can say, for that is all I know."

"Kikyo, I don't care about the demon. We need to get you help. Come back to the rest spot with me. Kagome has all kind's of weird medicines from her time. We can heal you."

Even though she couldn't see, she could imagine Kikyo's face darkening at the mention of her name by the way her voice was suddenly ice cold.

"I need no assistance from her. I am fine Inuyasha." she pulled herself from his arms and stood, a little wobbly.

Inuyasha stood and made to grab her but she shook his hand off. Even though she couldn't see his face, Kagome knew he would be hurt.

"When you are ready to join me Inuyasha, I will be waiting. I only came here to warn you. Thank you for listening." she turned to go.

"Would you let me come with you?" he asked, barley a whisper.

Kagome let out a gagging sound, holding in a sob. Of course he would want to go with Kikyo. He loved Kikyo. Like he would never love her.

She just hadn't imagined he would cast them all aside so easily. Had he been wanting to go with her from the start? Why he had stayed so long with them then?

She tipped her head up to the sky, to keep her tears from falling out of her eyes. She suddenly felt weak, and her knees buckled and she crumpled to the ground. She curled in on herself and finally let herself cry, without caring that he would with no doubt hear her sobbing. She was sure even Miroku and Sango, a mile away, would hear her.

"Your companion has obviously been eavesdropping." Kikyo said, acridly. "You may want to check on her."

She saw Inuyasha's head snap towards where she was laying. "I… maybe I should." he said it as if he regretted having to. That thought only made her cry harder, until her body was shaking violently.

Blurry through her tears, Kagome saw Kikyo walk forward and reach a hand out to run down his cheek.

"If you wish to come with me you can. I have feelings for you that I have for no other Inuyasha."

"Kikyo, I…."

Kagome picked herself up from the ground only to fall again. She didn't want to hear this. She couldn't.

She pulled herself from the ground and this time was able to keep from falling.

She started to run, pushing herself as hard as she could to get away. She didn't know why. He wouldn't follow. The thought that she was so forgotten when Kikyo was around made her cry even harder and she was tripping over rocks and tree branches because of it.

She fell and skinned her knee and for a moment she wanted to stay on the ground, never to get back up. But she made herself and continued running. From behind her she heard a great crash, like trees falling loudly, followed by a magnificent roar.

A shout.

She stopped.

Was it the demon Kikyo had been talking about. Was Inuyasha in danger?

As much as she hated to go back, to see them together, she knew how stubborn he was and the only picture she could see was him lying in a pool of blood, his body broken. She stopped running and turned to go back.

Then she saw them. Strange flowers, pitch black. They're petals were like tentacles, reaching up to the sky, wrapping around each other, long and thin.

Kikyo had said the demon had a master. Someone who could cause unusual flowers to appear.

Kagome remembered the meadow. Odd flowers. That meant the demon was right behind Inuyasha. It could have snuck up, and attacked before he could pull out his sword.

Kagome forced herself to stay calm and made her legs move to where she heard the noise. She saw the strange flowers spew out something into the air, thick and powdery, as she ran by.

Then she was falling to the ground again, without knowing why. She felt the cold, hard dirt underneath her, but she couldn't move her hands to push herself into sitting position, or her legs to pick herself back up.

Then, as the light was being ripped away from her, to be replaced only by unfathomable darkness, she heard laughter, a high pitch giggle. The master had arrived.

* * *

The cool wind whistled in the night, bringing with it the smell of earth and flowers. Inuyasha sniffed, searching for the scent of a demon or someone who didn't belong out here. He only smelt the grass, and the leaves, and his companions.

He looked down, to make sure they were all still tucked into their sleeping bags. They were. He watched as kagome mumbled something in her sleep and tossed and turned in her sleeping bag, almost crushing the young kitsune beside her.

He sighed. Poor Kagome never got any good sleep these days. But then again, neither did he. He was always afraid something would appear the moment he let his guards down and snatch her away. He had to make sure she was protected. He had to make sure they were all protected.

He shifted in the tree, trying to find a more comfortable position, but found that when ever he moved the bark dug deeper into his back. So he stopped moving and leaned back.

From where he was sitting, he could see the stars perfectly. They were beautiful, tiny balls of glitter in the sky. His gaze flickered down to Kagome, to make sure she was still there. She was still sleeping, and her face looked more relaxed now. She had dark circles under her eyes, from the constant fighting and running, and then never getting any sleep.

Sometimes he wanted to send her home, to tell her she didn't belong here, because he was afraid of losing her. He didn't want to lose her like he did Kikyo. Every day he wondered if he had believed her, if they hadn't fought, if it would have been different. Would she still be alive, instead of a body made of dirt and bones? Would they be together? Would they have a family?

He hated thinking of having to punish his kids by forcing onto them the same treatment he had. He didn't want them to be filthy mutts like he was. And he certainly didn't want Kikyo to be so shamed as to have kids with him.

But the thought of having a family with a person he cared so much about was a tempting one. Was it still possible, even if she wasn't flesh?

He suddenly realized what exactly he was thinking and forced his mind to other places. He couldn't imagine what that would do to kagome, to see him running of for good with Kikyo, never to return to her. He knew he hurt her every time he went off. He knew he would be the cause of her leaving for good, or worse, her hating him. But whenever he saw Kikyo, his instincts took over and flew after her, like a lovesick puppy after it's owner. Maybe he did love Kikyo. The same way kagome loved him.

He sighed again and looked back up at the sky. White, dragon-like creatures circled the tree tops, calling to him in high pitched voices.

Kikyo.

In an instant he had jumped up from the tree and was bounding off into the woods, jumping from tree top to treetop, waiting for the flash of red and white that would signify Kikyo.

He was in such a rush running back to her, that he didn't notice the empty side of the sleeping bag, where Kagome had slipped away. And he never would, until it was too late.

His eyes searched through the darkness, trying to see Kikyo's dark form. He leapt from the tree and landed on the ground, sniffing, trying to catch her scent of bones and earth. Then he saw her emerge from behind a tree, silent as a shadow.

She was hurt. Her arm was bent at and odd angle and bleeding and she held it closely to her body, while she limped towards him. He face was scratched and bruised and her clothes were torn and dirty.

He saw before it happened her pitch forward and he grabbed her quickly before she fell.

"Kikyo, what happened? Are you okay. We need to get you help."

She looked so tired, and when she leaned her head into his chest, he didn't stop her.

"Inuyasha. It took me a long time to find you, but I am happy I did. I have to tell you something. You must listen closely. There is some kind of demon, the likes of which I have never seen before. I don't know where it came from, maybe it was suddenly just here, but it is dangerous Inuyasha."

Suddenly he heard something, like a sharp intake of breath, and his head snapped up to where he heard the noise. He squinted his eyes, searching the shadows for someone or something that could cause danger. He saw nothing. But he couldn't tame the feeling that something was there, and his hairs stood up on his arms, like tiny soldiers preparing for battle.

Slowly, he allowed himself to look back down at Kikyo, but kept his ears perked. "I thought I heard something." he whispered to her. She continued on without hearing.

"I was purifying a village where many had fallen ill when I heard rumbling from the forest. The demon suddenly burst from the forest, like it had came out of nowhere. I first thought it was a stray demon, but it appeared to be a pet. A women came with it. Inuyasha, listen closely. It has a master. I couldn't get a glimpse of her face because it suddenly attacked me, but when she came, strange flowers started blooming. That's all I can say, for that is all I know."

Inuyasha could see her cuts bleeding more and more, and her face was becoming pale and her breathing heavier.

"Kikyo, I don't care about the demon. We need to get you help. Come back to the rest spot with me. Kagome has all kind's of weird medicines from her time. We can heal you."

Her face hardened immediately and she no longer looked weak and frightened. Instead she looked like the old Kikyo, the cruel Kikyo. The Kikyo that had pined him to a tree for 50 years.

When she spoke, her voice was sharp shards of ice. "I need no assistance from her. I am fine Inuyasha." she stood then, as if to prove she was fine, but he could see her wobble and he reached out his hand to stable her. She shook it off.

His ears touched his head and he looked away so she wouldn't see the hurt in his eyes.

"When you are ready to join me Inuyasha, I will be waiting. I only came here to warn you. Thank you for listening."

She had her back to him, and her voice was still as cold as the wind that blew around them. He didn't want her to be angry. He wanted her to stay with him, not just now but forever.

"Would you let me come with you?" he asked softly. As soon as he said the words, he realized to the extent what he was asking. He could picture Miroku and Shippo trying desperately to protect Sango and Kagome from demons. Trying to save them. And in the process hurting himself.

Kagome would be hurt. This would hurt her more then anything else. He was betraying her. And he would never know if she was killed by a demon while he was gone, because he would never come back.

But it was too late to take his question back. If she answered yes, would he go? Really go, to leave them all behind?

Then he smelt salt and could hear someone fall the to the ground, crying heavily.

Kagome.

Damn. He hadn't wanted anyone to know. Especially not her. It looked like he was deserting them, casting them all aside. And as much as he hated to admit it, it's what he would be doing if he left.

"Your companion has obviously been eavesdropping." Kikyo said, acridly. "You may want to check on her."

He turned his head to search the darkness, to find her slumped form laying on the forest floor, her body tucked in on herself, her head buried in her arms. And he could still hear her crying. He felt like the worst kind of monster.

"I……maybe I should." he said, felling guilty for ever coming here, for putting kagome through so much pain.

Kikyo suddenly turned around and reached out her hand to stroke his cheek softly.

If you wish to come with me you can. I have feelings for you that I have for no other Inuyasha."

He froze. He hadn't expected her to say that. How could he answer? If he told her no she would leave, but he wouldn't be sure if she would ever come back. And if he said yes, he would be leaving Kagome, out here alone, crying and vulnerable.

Without deciding which path he was going to take he opened his mouth and said, "Kikyo, I…"

He never got to finish his sentence because he heard Kagome pick herself up and start running. He wanted to run after her to tell her he was sorry, but he couldn't because Kikyo was waiting for an answer.

He turned back to her and opened his mouth to speak again, his mouth dry and his heart hammering, when suddenly trees were uprooted from the ground viciously and a massive demon appeared, letting out a enormous roar.

Damn, he thought. The thing had appeared from behind them. Where had it come from. He looked past the beast and saw a tiny meadow surrounded by trees. In it were two things that made his heart stop. Strange, unusual flowers, and the fabric of Kagome's skirt. She was in danger.

He looked up at the immense beast standing before him. It was the biggest demon he had ever seen, towering many feet above the tops of the tallest trees. He guessed it had to be at least 300 ft tall. It was a giant scorpion demon, with bulky pinchers attached to his body and thousands of beady eyes. It's mouth was dripping acid, thick and green, and it burned holes in the ground where it dropped. And whipping dangerously over it's head was a thick tail, spewing poison, with a wicked barb at the top. A barb that could rip a person in half.

It suddenly whipped it's head around and he could see himself reflected a thousand times in it's small, black eyes.

"Die." it hissed, before whipping it's tail over it's head straight towards Inuyasha.

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well, that was my first chapter of my first fanfic The Choices We Make. i hope you enjoyed it and the more reviews i get the sooner i'll update. thanks for reading. :)


	2. the master's toy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, as much as I'd like too. **

This is the second chapter to The Choices We Make. I'll try to update as quick as possible, and since it's Thanksgiving Break I should be able too. But when school starts back, I'll probably only be able to update once a week, because my school is like in love with giving out homework. I just want to say thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the story as much as I enjoy writing it. :)

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Her mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton and her head was pounding.

And yet, she wasn't awake.

She was on the verge of waking up, with her mind registering halfway that she _should_ be awake. But her body wasn't letting her, and as much as tried to open her eyes, they stayed glued shut stubbornly.

Her mind was hazy, shrouded by a thick fog, and she couldn't think at all.

She remembered she had been running, but away from what she didn't know.

She had been crying, she could tell that, because her throat still felt raw.

And she remembered pitch black flowers that spewed out some thick powder, and after that she couldn't move. But that was all her cloudy mind would allow.

She tried opening her eyes again, and this time she was surprised to see that she could crack them open slightly.

The light was much too bright and it intensified the headache she hadn't realized she had. She shut her eyes again quickly.

She gently jiggled her arms and legs, to make sure she could move. She could. She breathed a deep sigh of relief.

For some reason her body had needed to move, almost as if she had to somewhere to go, or something to do. She just couldn't remember. And that thought annoyed her endlessly.

She checked to see if she could move her head, and was rewarded with a razor-sharp pain in her neck. She yelped in surprise and stopped moving her head.

She put her hand behind her head to feel her neck, and found that when she pulled her fingers away again that they were covered in blood.

She pushed her sore body up into sitting position and twisted and turned gently until most of the kinks were worked out. What had she done to get so bruised and torn up? And suddenly she was sick, so sick it hurt. She gagged then threw up again and again, until she was crying from her raw throat and her clenching stomach. She scrunched her hands tightly in the cool dirt as her stomach clenched again and again but she had nothing left. He head was hammering and her eyes were burning. What was happening?

And then she suddenly remembered. Remembered everything. Inuyasha jumping from the tree to land in front of Kikyo. Him asking to go with her. Kikyo saying yes. Her running away as fast as she could. Tripping. Flowers. Black as the night. A demon roar. Inuyasha in danger. And she was paralyzed unable to do anything.

Now she was crying for another reason. What if he was dead? What if the demon had killed him already? Would Kikyo be killed too?

Kagome knew Inuyasha would never run, even if he would undoubtedly lose. And he was facing the demon Kikyo had been unable to kill on her own.

She was suddenly filled with anger at herself, at those stupid flowers, at Inuyasha for never listening and running off, and the stupid master that she had heard moments before she passed out.

She wiped her tears from her eyes and stood up, shakily on her feet. She was hit with another wave of sickness and waited until she was done throwing up bile.

She felt worse then she had ever felt before, like she had been beaten senselessly and then had food poisoning. Her body ached so horribly, for a moment she wanted to lay back down.

But Inuyasha needed her. He would die if she didn't go back. He would fight until he was so tired and injured that he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. And no one would be there to take care of him.

She made herself think of all the horrible things that could happen to him so she could stay standing. She tried to walk but she had no idea where she was going and her legs were so weak she sank to the ground before she got anywhere.

She gagged and her stomach squeezed tightly and her head thumped hard.

She hit the ground weakly with her fist, and frustrated tears leaked from her eyes. What the hell was wrong with her?

"It's the effects of the poison." said a sweet voice behind her, like a child's voice.

"That's why you feel sick and can't walk. I was hoping by now it would have spread to your heart and I wouldn't have to deal with you being able to move. I always like watching them right before they die. It's the most painful part."

Kagome turned around slowly, her neck screaming in pain. Fresh blood trickled down her neck, like warm water.

There was a tiny girl standing in a tree above her. She looked like a child, with long blonde pigtails and blue eyes.

She was even dressed like a child, in a tiny flowery dress.

"Who are you?" Kagome asked. Her voice was hoarse from crying.

"Me? I'm Hana. But that doesn't really matter because you'll be dead in a few more minutes, so why don't you just try to relax. Maybe it won't hurt as much that way."

"You're the one who makes the flowers? You're the master of the demon!"

Kagome was surprised. She had expected someone cruel looking and harsh. This girl looked sweet and cute. How could she own such a dangerous demon?

The girl looked at her murderously.

"I'm getting tired of these stupid questions. No one else ever asks questions. They just beg me to give them the antidote. And I never do. That's the fun part. So beg."

"Not until you answer my questions. How do you control the demon?"

Hana sighed and sank back into the tree. "I don't really control him. He's almost impossible to _control _really. I just tell him what I want him to do, and if he's in the mood he does. That's how it goes when you're the master of an almost undefeatable demon."

"Then he would attack you wouldn't he?" Kagome asked.

She was doing her best not to beg for the antidote like everyone else had, but she knew it would be useless.

And she had to get to Inuyasha, to tell him it was stupid to fight.

If she made it to him before dying that is.

Hana looked angry again. "No he doesn't because I take care of him. He attacks everyone else. Just like he is your stupid friend. By now he's probably dead." she snapped. "Now just shut up and die already."

Kagome froze. Inuyasha was already dead? And she was wasting time asking questions that she thought would help, but was getting no where.

She pulled herself to feet, screaming in agony. It hurt so bad, maybe she should just accept her death. It would be easier.

But she couldn't leave Inuyasha. She had to warn him.

She started to walk, screaming at her body to move faster. She had to find him. She had to get to him. It was all that mattered.

"Are you stupid? You're the stupidest girl I have ever met. Your only spreading the poison faster. You'll die before you get to him you know? It's useless."

"I have to warn him. I can't let him die. Because….. I love him." she whispered.

Then she pushed her body on, crying and screaming the whole way.

'_Just wait Inuyasha, I'm coming for you.'_

The demon's tail, thick as a tree, with a wicked sharp stinger glinting on top, hurtled through the air towards Inuyasha.

He yelled in anger and surprise and threw himself backwards, right as the tip of the scorpion demon's tail embedded itself deep into the hard ground, spraying debris and acid into the sky.

Some of the thick green liquid landed on Inuyasha, eating holes through his clothes and burning his face and hands.

He hissed in pain and wiped the acid off his face.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Kikyo limp towards the tree, clutching her arm tightly to her side. She looked scared. He had never seen her look scared. And that made him even more furious.

The scorpion monster ripped his tail out of the ground, and flicked it back over it's head, where it hovered dangerously, ready to strike.

Inuyasha reached for his Tetsusaiga at his side, but his hand barley brushed it before the demon's eyes narrowed and it's tails whistled through the air again, moving so fast, he could barley see it.

The tail thumped into the ground loudly beside Inuyasha, sending him and dirt flying into the air.

He landed on his feet, skidding backwards, and he wiped the blood from his eyes, that was leaking from a wound on his forehead.

He moved his hands slightly to the left, where his sword was resting and he saw the demon's tail tense.

"Afraid of fighting fair?" he shouted.

The demon laughed deeply, and narrowed it's black eyes. "I like to play with my food a little before letting them give up."

Inuyasha growled angrily.

"I'll just kill you without my Tetsusaiga." He jumped up quickly, a flash in the sky, and flew towards the demon.

"Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!" he shouted, while slicing his hand down through the air, straight towards the demon's ugly eyes.

He was barley above it when it's claw sliced through the air and ripped open his clothes and a deep gash in his stomach.

He soared through the air, flipping and somersaulting, and crashed loudly into the nearby trees. The tree he crashed into cracked loudly down the middle, then collapsed to the ground, Inuyasha falling with it.

He jumped to his feet quickly, ignoring the pain, but the demon was already swinging it's tail towards him again before he was even to his feet.

He rolled out of the way as the tail implanted itself into the base of a thick tree.

The demon ripped it out quickly and flung it at Inuyasha again, right as he was preparing to throw himself at the demon.

He bounded out of the way, and fell to a stop in front of the demon, breathing deeply and bleeding from his stomach heavily.

His body was tiring, and his stomach was throbbing painfully.

Every time he made a move, the demon was already there, swinging it's tail or it's claw. Almost as if it could read his mind.

"Bingo." the demon hissed. Then it looked almost as if it was smiling. "You can draw your sword now."

Inuyasha was filled with fury. This bastard didn't give him permission to draw his sword. He could draw it any time he wanted.

He pulled it from his side furiously, and ran at full speed towards the demon as soon as it had elongated. He would take out it legs, then it couldn't move, and he could cut it into pieces slowly.

He swung his sword out towards the demon's thick legs, to see it swipe through air. The demon laughed from behind him. "You'll have to be better then that Inuyasha. I know exactly what your going to do when your going to do it. I'm undefeatable."

"I'll kill you with my Wind Scar you bastard." he shouted at it, already in the air and swinging.

He watched as the yellow blades of energy blasted through the ground, ripping thick, jagged holes, and waited for it to collide with the demon in front of him.

The demon wasn't moving. In fact, it was staying completely still, watching the energy intensely.

'_You'll regret just standing there' _he thought, waiting for the demon's head to whip around to face him, moments before being cut to pieces.

But it didn't. Then Inuyasha was watching in shock as an invisible barrier started to absorb the blow, like a straw sucking it in.

Everything was dangerously calm for a few moments. Then the barrier glowed bright yellow, and his Wind Scar was being shot back out at him, twice as powerful.

He wouldn't have time to move. He was going to get hit by his own blast.

"Ironic isn't it?" the demon hissed around its laughter. Suddenly it's head snapped up and its beady eyes narrowed to slits.

Inuyasha didn't realize he was being lifted into the air until he was looking down and could see the Wind Scar ripping trees from the ground and cutting lines in the dirt, but not slicing him to pieces.

He looked up and saw Sango holding tightly to his hakama, a look of fierce determination on her face. Kirara rose higher, to escape the demon's sharp claws and brutal tail. Then she swung him up to where he could grab onto to Kirara and pull his body on to what little room was left on the demon slayer's pet.

Three furious faces meet his. "Inuyasha, how could you be so stupid? Do you know how worried we were about you? We woke up and you weren't there and there was a demon roaring in our eyes, and of course we all thought the worst, because your always rushing off into situations where you can get yourself killed without the slightest thought that we'll be worried about you because we care about you because your to stubborn and pigheaded to worry about anyone else, not to mention poor Kagome who probably came after you because she was worried and now you probably don't even know where she is, because when someone presents with you a problem you have to solve it even if you could die trying because you never listen and you never think and……." she finally stopped when Miroku put a hand gently to her shoulder and squeezed. She sucked in a deep breath and wiped the tiny tears that had formed at the corner's of her eyes.

"What Sango is saying is that sometimes you can't just go running off into battle Inuyasha. We're all here for you, so you can tell we can help you. It's not like any of us are incapable of fighting."

Inuyasha was silent, staring at the three eager faces in front of him. "So what, you guys think I can't handle some stupid demon on my own?" he snapped finally.

Sango blinked and opened her mouth to say something, but Miroku covered it quickly with his hand.

"It's useless my dear Sango." he sighed, shaking his head.

"I can hear you, you know." Inuyasha said angrily.

"Hello! Is anyone listening to me?" Shippo shouted.

They all turned to stare at him. "I was saying, there's still a demon down there that we need to kill."

Everyone looked down. The demon was still standing below them, looking furious that he had been forgotten.

Suddenly, Sango was all business. "Kirara, drop." she ordered. The demon-cat obeyed and sank a few feet out of the sky, close enough that Sango could attack.

She pulled the giant boomerang off of her back and twirled it around her head, trying to find a spot to hit.

Then it suddenly flew from her hands and spiraled towards the demon's thick tail.

It never made it to it's target. Instead, the demon snatched it out of the sky and squeezed it between a meaty claw, causing a splinter to appear down the middle.

"Kirara raise!" Sango shouted, but the large cat didn't move fast enough. The demon's tail shot out, striking the cat in the side and causing the companions to tumble off the side, as Kirara was thrown into the trees. They landed sharply on the ground and Miroku groaned in pain. Shippo transformed back from a giant, pink bubble and floated down to join them.

"Yeah thanks for catching us." Inuyasha growled.

The boy just shrugged his tiny shoulders.

Inuyasha stood, raising his fist, to thump in his head when Miroku yelled "Watch out!"

Inuyasha turned quickly to see the demon spit acid from it's mouth, falling like green rain. It hit him dead on before he could leap away and he yelled in pain as the as the acid scalded his exposed skin.

He pulled the Tetsusaiga from its holder on his side, but it was too late. The demon had already read his mind and discovered what he was about to do, and Inuyasha could see the barrier, glimmering in place.

He cursed loudly and drew his sword anyways, thinking thoughts that didn't involve the barrier. If he was lucky, the demon wouldn't dig to deep.

Then he made a signal. One so small, he was sure the demon wouldn't have noticed. But he saw Sango nod and Miroku move a finger and Shippo twitch his tail. They saw. Kirara appeared from the sky suddenly and Miroku and Sango jumped on, followed soon by Shippo.

If they had understood, they would all be screaming loudly in their heads, distracting the demon, so Inuyasha could move in.

It was working. The demon was whipping his head around and around watching the great cat circle him.

"Your plans are useless. I know what your thinking." he shouted happily.

'_Then you should know that it's too late now.' _Inuyasha thought, just as he brought down his glowing red sword on the demon's barrier.

At first nothing happened. But then the barrier shimmered and warped and shrank smaller and smaller until it disappeared.

And right as it did, Inuyasha swung his Tetsusaiga, feeling it sink through the scorpion's soft chest.

But when he looked up, it was no longer a demon. Instead he was looking face-to-face at Kikyo, his sword sunk deep into her upper body.

She stared at him, eyes widened in surprised, for what felt like an eternity before sinking to the ground, blood gushing from the whole in her torso.

"Kikyo." he whispered.

He had to find her, to make sure she was still alive, that he hadn't killed her. Nothing else mattered. He darted towards the trees, ignoring the yells of his friends. He could see the blood on his hands. He had to make sure it wasn't hers. Not hers.

She was there. Waiting for him. Her eyes were full of fear. He had to keep her safe. He sighed in relief and pulled her close to his chest, burying his head into her neck.

She was safe. He hadn't killed her. Sango and Miroku rushed towards him, shouting angrily. But he didn't hear them. He was relieved to be able to see her in his arms, feel her heartbeat against his own. She was alive.

He heard a crunch, so soft that he almost thought he was imagining it.

But when he turned around he knew he wasn't because standing in front of him was Kagome, blood dripping from her neck into her already red shirt. Her face was pale, and covered in a sheen of sweat and she was breathing hard. Every step she took, she would bend over and clutch her stomach and scream, but she wouldn't stop. She kept walking until she was only a few feet in front of him.

She opened her mouth to speak but instead of a soft feminine voice, it was replaced with a deep, whispery one.

"It humors me Inuyasha how you could so easily forget about the one who loves you most when this shell of a women is around. Funny, how you can love someone who is no longer alive, when this one here, is so madly in love with you, someone who is living and breathing. You didn't think of her once when I was fighting you, not even when your friends mentioned her name. because this one was here. The one that is so much more important. Well, now they will all to get to watch you die, just like you deserve."

Inuyasha had turned when he heard the voice, but had been so shocked he hadn't moved. He had killed it. He had killed the demon, felt his sword in it's chest.

But he hadn't checked. He had ran off, in search of Kikyo. Just like the demon knew he would.

It smiled then threw its tail through the air one last time.

Inuyasha could only watch as it plunged towards him, seconds from piercing through his heart. He closed his eyes, waiting for the pain but felt none. Then everyone was screaming, and he knew he had been hit.

But why didn't he fell pain?

He opened his eyes, and the sight he saw he would never forget.

Kagome, blood-soaked, pale, and bent, like a broken doll that didn't look quite right, with the demon's sharp barb protruding from her chest.


	3. her love, his pain

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, if only I could be the amazing Rumiko Takahashi.**

Chapter 3 is up! Ya! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy the latest chapter!

Kagome had fallen three times since she had left the tiny clearing she had woken up in. Each time she fell it got harder to pick herself back up and keep moving. There was no idea in her head of where she was, or where she was going.

Maybe it was pointless to keep moving, the poison was just spreading faster, bringing her closer to death, while she stumbled around trying to find something familiar that she had seen when she had been running away. Of course, she hadn't been looking at anything when she had ran away. So of course, she found nothing.

But she wouldn't allow herself to stop moving. Because if she did, there was no doubt in her mind that she wouldn't make it if she did. The poison had spread much to quickly. It hadn't made it to her heart yet, by sheer luck, but every step she took was laced with agony, and her mind was slowly fogging and hazing over, making it even harder to keep track of where she was.

She wasn't going to stop though. The only time she would allow herself to do that was when her heart gave out. Inuyasha was still fighting. Still fighting for a pointless cause, a useless battle. And it would only serve to get him killed.

If she made it there, even if the moment she warned him she died, she would die peacefully and happily. He wouldn't stop. That much she knew, even if he was warned. But maybe Kikyo could talk some sense into him, or Sango and Miroku, if they had woken up yet._ Somehow_ he would stop. That was the last thing she would do.

And that was how she kept herself going. Kept her feet moving forward, even when all her body wanted to do was admit defeat and stop and just let her die. The ache in her heart hurt more. That's what she told herself. If she didn't make it to him enough time, if he died fighting, her life would be worth nothing.

Honestly, she didn't want to think of Inuyasha. If she thought of him, she thought of Kikyo. They would be together in her mind forever now. The pieces had finally fallen together. She had known all along that he wouldn't pick her. Hope had foolishly blinded her. This was the cost for having an unrequited love. And she was okay with it. She was okay with him not picking her, not loving her how she loved him. She loved him with all her heart and that was all that mattered.

And even so, it hurt horribly. As much as she hated to admit it, she _wanted_ him to pick her. She remembered when she had first walked out of the clearing, crying and stumbling, Hana had followed her, shouting curses and yelling at Kagome to lay back down and just die.

"Seeing you actually fight for something is no fun." she pouted. "They normally all just stop thinking about anyone else but themselves. Even when they're husbands and wives are being torn apart by my pet, they just want the antidote. That's all. Noting else. They don't want they're family to be safe, they're kids to enjoy life, or they're partner to be with them. They just want to live. Why aren't you like that?" she was angry now. "Why can't you just be like them?"

Kagome had looked up into the trees, where the child-like demon had been floating and answered the only way she knew how. "He's more important then my life, or the antidote. If I'm going to die, then _he's _all that matters."

Hana had watched her curiously for a few more moments, watched her stumble and cry out when the pain was too much. Finally, before disappearing into a tornado of scented, extraordinary flowers, she whispered softly, "He must really care for you then." Almost as if she had known the exact words to make Kagome suffer more, to make her want to stop that much worse. Inuyasha didn't really care for her. He really cared for Kikyo. He wouldn't do this for her. She knew that. He would do it for Kikyo. But Hana hadn't know that, and she hadn't said those words to hurt her.

And Kagome was thankful for Hana saying them. They pushed her own even more. This would be her proof of how much she really did love him. Killing herself slowly for someone who would never love her back.

The fourth time she fell, she felt her neck snap back, and she screamed. Fresh blood poured from the wound, and soaked into her collar, that was already bright red.

She clutched the ground with her fingers and held back her tears. There was no time for them. If she hadn't fallen she wouldn't have noticed the bright pink flowers, with gold dust. She was back in the meadow. Which meant she was that much closer to Inuyasha.

It took her a long time to get back to her feet. It wasn't that she didn't want to, her body wasn't allowing her. Every time she moved, excruciating pain ripped through her. She fought through it and got back up on her feet. She brought flowers up with her and tucked them into her pockets. She wanted to remember them, even in death. They would bring memories of Inuyasha with them. And that was all she needed to remember.

She felt bad, for not thinking of her other friends. She was dying after all. She knew Sango would miss her, because Sango was like a sister to her. She loved Sango, with her long chocolate hair and mahogany eyes. She would miss her kind words and gentle touches, and she wouldn't ever forget how Sango cared for her when she needed her heart mended. A weak smile formed on her lips when she thought of Sango with the monk, Miroku. Hopefully they would realize just how meant for each other they were. She would miss him too. He was lecherous, true, but he cared for Sango deeply, and her took care of them all. And then there was Shippo, her own little son. He was so sweet and always tried to protect her, even when the demon he was facing was many more times experienced then he was.

And now she did let the tears come. She would miss them all so much. They were her best friends, her family. And what would her real family think, when she never came home? They couldn't come here, only she could. Would Inuyasha have to carry her dead body back home?

Forcibly, she pushed the thoughts from her mind. She needed to focus on what she was doing now. She could think of the rest later.

Her feet finally started to move again. But as soon as they did, she doubled over and started to vomit blood. Coughing violently, trembling all over, she lifted hear head back up and wiped her mouth. Her hand came back red.

'_Move faster.' _The poison was spreading to quickly. If she didn't move faster, she would die before she could get to Inuyasha.

Walking was harder then it had been before. Her feet were getting harder and harder to move, like weights were being to added to her shoes. Each step she took sent tremors through her body and caused her to clutch her stomach to keep from vomiting again. Blood was trickling from her mouth like a steady stream.

She kept moving anyways. The trees had started to thin away. It was only a few more feet, then she would be out of the forest and she would be able to find Inuyasha, to warn him.

Then, suddenly, light was blaring through the trees, white hot and bright. Happiness flooded through her. She had made it!

The trees gave way to another clearing, this one much larger, that was 20 meters away from there rest spot. And in the middle of the clearing, was Inuyasha.

Never before had she been so happy to see him. Then she froze. There was the demon. And it was enormous. Inuyasha looked like a small ant compared to this demon. And it looked so dangerous, with large claws and a deadly tail, spraying poison onto the ground.

All that mattered was making it to him in enough time to tell him to stop fighting. If she just stood here, watching, she would die before she could warn him. So she started pushing her body forward again, never taking her eyes of the demon and Inuyasha. She wanted to scream when the demon sprayed poison into the air from it's mouth, and when it landed on Inuyasha, sizzling and scalding his skin.

He was injured. His arms was bleeding badly and there was a deep cut in his stomach, bleeding as well. Not to mention all the red blistered whelps on his skin and the tiny cuts covering his body. He was losing. The demon had no scratches on it. And it looked like it was enjoying all the miserable attempts Inuyasha and the others made at it. It just swatted them all away, like tiny dolls. Sango and Miroku were slammed into the ground with a great claw, and Shippo narrowly avoided being smashed by the demon's massive tail.

She had to stop them, or they would all die. Then it was all over. Inuyasha drew his sword, sliced through an invisible barrier and buried the sword deep into the demon's chest.

He should have been happy. The demon shrank smaller and smaller underneath his sword, until it shriveled into a tiny ball on the ground. But Inuyasha didn't look happy. He looked horrified. He tore the sword out of the demon's chest so quickly she almost didn't see the movement. Then he was bounding off into the woods, with Sango, Miroku and Shippo following closely behind him, shouting.

Why was he running away? Why did he looked so scared….so sad? She didn't understand. But she didn't like the feeling that was creeping up her spine. Something felt horribly wrong.

Hana had said the demon was almost undefeatable. It shouldn't have fallen so easily. She still had to warn them.

She had almost made it to where she could see Inuyasha's silver head sticking out of the trees when the demon's body started growing in size.

It morphed back into the scorpion demon as soon as it had collapsed into the ball. Except there was no hole in the middle of it's chest like there had been. In fact, there was nothing on it's body to hint that it had been injured at all. It was still alive. And Inuyasha was completely unaware.

She moved faster then she had all day, appearing in front of him in moments. His head snapped up and he looked right at her.

Her heart squeezed painfully tight. He was holding Kikyo so close to his chest, and she had her head buried into it. His grip loosened slightly when he saw her, and she saw the guilty tinge appear in his golden eyes.

He had forgotten about her. Because of Kikyo. It had been inevitable. But it still hurt. Badly.

Now wasn't the time to thing about it. The demon had moved forward, hovering behind Inuyasha, with it's tail suspended over it's head, taut and rigid.

It was getting ready to attack.

Inuyasha wasn't looking away from her. She wanted to scream at him, look behind you, kill it before it kills you. But her voice was long gone. So she could only stare at him, trying to convey the message with her eyes, while her body slowly wasted away from the inside out.

The demon spoke, in it's chilling voice, and Inuyasha froze. But he didn't have time to move. The tail was ready to strike, so even if he had, it would have found him.

The demon hadn't looked over at her once. He didn't know she was there. Which meant she had a chance to save Inuyasha.

Her mind had cleared, to where the only thought in her head was, _'Not him. Don't let him die.' _

Inuyasha eyes never moved from hers, and his hands slid away from Kikyo's shoulders, almost as if an apology.

'_I love you' _

After that, everything happened in a blur.

Inuyasha closed his eyes, as the tail whistled through the air.

The demon's head whipped towards her, like it had read her mind.

It knew she was there. It knew what she was doing. And it was to late to stop her. Smiling in spite of the pain ripping through her body she threw herself in front of Inuyasha just as the demon's stinger finished it's plunge.

It stabbed through her chest, then stopped moving. She would have screamed if she had enough energy left. But she didn't. So her mouth stayed closed.

Sango yelled and rushed forward, followed closely behind by Miroku.

Kagome looked down, just as Inuyasha opened his eyes and looked up, straight into her own.

A high-pitched keening floated through the trees, and the demon hissed angrily, before ripping it's tail from Kagome's chest and scuttling off towards the noise.

She sank to her knees and fell into Sango's lap, who was crying now. Her tears were falling onto Kagome's face, salty and wet.

She was speaking, saying something again and again, but Kagome didn't understand.

Her vision was getting blurry and her body was going numb, so much so that she didn't feel the monk trying to stop the flow of blood from the hole in her torso. What a pointless task.

Inuyasha had pushed Kikyo off him and was by her side in seconds. He grabbed her hand, pushed hair of her forehead, and said something into her ear.

She strained to hear, and it took a few moments for her brain to process it.

"Why would you do something so stupid?" that's what he had whispered to her.

When she looked up she was surprised to see the tears that were forming in his eyes. Sango was running her hands up and down Kagome's face gently, wiping away blood and tears.

"I love you." she answered, trying to suck in more air so she could breath, and failing. Her vision was filling with black fog.

Squeezing his hand with as much strength she could muster, she tried to show him just how much she needed him, just how important he was to her.

A tear fell from his eyes and landed on her cheek.

"Sayonara." she whispered, trying to make a joke. It didn't work. Sango cried harder, and Miroku stopped trying to bandage her wounds and ran to Sango's side, holding her to his chest.

Kagome felt a single tear escape from her eye. This was the last time she would see any of them. She loved them all so much. If only she could tell them.

But she couldn't breath anymore. She couldn't feel her heart beating. Couldn't hear the voices of her friends, the people she loved so much. Couldn't decipher anything except blackness and pain. Cold, hungry pain that swallowed up everything she knew.

Then there was nothing.

It was like his own personal nightmare come to life. He couldn't imagine a worse image then the one that was playing out right before his own eyes. It was too surreal, almost the exact same image that had caused him to go running to Kikyo in the first place. But instead of his sword, it was the demon's tail. And instead of being a trick of the mind, this was real.

He hoped uselessly that this was all just a dream. A horrible, terrifying dream that he wanted desperately to wake up from. And even so, he knew he wasn't dreaming. Because he could feel all to real the miko's face buried into his chest, where she hadn't moved an inch from when Inuyasha had rushed to her. He could hear all to loud Sango's heartbroken scream, intensified by the echoing in the trees. He could see all to easily her rushing forward, a hand covering her mouth and her face covered in tears already, Miroku falling behind her. He didn't rush forward like they did. He was frozen to the spot, unable to move.

He was reminded of just how fragile Kagome was, seeing her hovering in air, the demon's tail jutting out of her chest. It was such a horrible sight, to see her tiny body bent in half, blood dripping from the hole in her chest to pool on the ground, making a dark circle on the dirt. He wanted to look away, to not see her chocolate eyes tighten from the pain she was holding in. her mouth opened and closed, like a fish out of water, and blood bubbled up out of it. She spit it out weakly before coughing violently.

The demon jerked it's tail out of her torso, only to increase the damage she was suffering. She fell to her knees, before falling back into Sango's waiting lap. Sango looked up at the monk, who was busying himself with trying to stop the flow of the blood that was gushing from the wound.

Inuyasha could already see what a hopeless task it was. She had been in bad shape already. The hole in her chest was only making her death quicker.

Watching Sango wipe the blood from Kagome's mouth and clean the tears silently streaming down her cheek, he felt a part of his heart disappearing slowly.

The demon slayer was whispering something into Kagome's ear, repeating again and again. "He wasn't worth it Kagome. He wasn't worth it."

She knew just the right words to say to strike his heart in such a way that he felt miserable for even being alive. He was disgusted with himself for still just sitting here, watching everyone else taking care of her when it was his fault she was dying. Why was he so stupid? Why was he so blind? Why had he taken her so for granted? Now he would never be able to show her just how much she really did mean to him. He hated himself, for always running after Kikyo, for not spending more time with Kagome, just getting to know her.

Sango was right. He wasn't worth it. Not at all. He pushed Kikyo off his lap angrily, mad at her for sitting there, unfazed, uncaring that the girl who had saved her life twice was dying. What an insensitive person. Why did he run after her? It was all his fault Kagome was even here. If he just hadn't…

Wiping furiously at the tears that were forming in his eyes, he leaped to his feet, ignoring Kikyo's hurt and angry expression and rushed to Kagome's side.

Her breathing was already labored, and she would occasionally close her eyes and Sango would squeeze her hand frantically until her eyes opened again.

As soon as Inuyasha appeared by Kagome's side, the demon slayer looked up at him, fury in her eyes. "I hate you Inuyasha, for doing this to Kagome. How could you do this? How could you?" she stopped, breaking into heavy sobs, and Miroku gave up trying to stop the flow of blood and hurried to her side, pulling her tight to him when he got there. Sango turned away from Kagome and sobbed into his chest. "She's like my sister. I love her so much. She can't die!"

"I know. I know." Miroku whispered soothingly, rubbing her hair softly.

Inuyasha looked down at the pale girl underneath him, who was gazing up at him. Her eyes were cloudy and her chest was barley rising and falling. Her hair was glued to her forehead from sweat and he pushed it back gently. He leaned down and whispered into her ear, voice cracking from the tears he was trying so hard to hold back. "Why would you do something so stupid?"

Then the tears were cracking through his barriers and appearing in the corner of his eyes. Kagome was silent for a moment, and all you could hear in the forest was the silent sobs of Sango and Kagome's heavy breathing. Her face suddenly broke into small smile and she looked straight into his eyes, trying to hide the pain in her own. She failed miserably, and it hurt Inuyasha's heart even more to see her still trying to please him, even when she was dying. "I love you." she responded, her breath escaping her lungs in whoosh. She tried to suck in a breath, but he couldn't hear any air entering her lungs.

'_No, no don't let her die. I'll do anything just don't let her die!'_ he screamed in his head, but no one answered. She squeezed his hand so soft, he almost didn't feel it. But he knew what she was telling him. She was showing him that she loved him, love he didn't deserve.

A tear escaped from his eyes and landed on her cheek, gleaming in the sunlight. Why couldn't he have seen what was right in front of his eyes the whole time? Why did he have to discover now just how much he cared for her? When it no longer mattered. Nothing he said would save her. Nothing he did would keep her alive. He hadn't felt so heartbroken and useless in all his life, not even when Kikyo died. When Kikyo had died, he had felt a dull ache, like when someone loses a pet. At the time, he had thought he was going through the most pain he ever could, thought he had lost the other half of him. Now he understood just how something like that felt. He understood how it felt to lose someone that meant more to you then your own life.

"Sayonara." Kagome breathed, looking at Sango and Miroku then back at Inuyasha. She smiled pitifully, trying to make them all smile. Didn't she understand that he was never going to smile again. Didn't she know his life had no meaning for him now. Was this karma? He had thought Kikyo was so important, important enough to leave Kagome sad and heartbroken to spend few moments in the forest with her. And yet every time he came back, she welcomed him with open arms and forced a smile, so he wouldn't have to see her pain. She was so good, and he had never even noticed, he had been so caught up in himself. And now she was dying, dying for him. If only he could go in her place. If only someone would give him one more chance, one more opportunity to prove himself, to show that he could be worthy of Kagome. But he had one to many chances, and his luck was running out and the pain he had shown her was finally catching up to him.

Inuyasha saw a tear leak from her eyes and he reached to wipe it away. He realized then that he couldn't feel the beating of her heart anymore, couldn't see the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

"No, no! Kagome, please don't die. Please don't die. I need you." he pulled her to his chest, and looked into her eyes, watched as they slowly dulled into there was no glimmer left in them. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." he whispered, rocking back and forth. "Don't die. Don't die. I need you so much. I'm so sorry I didn't show you, didn't tell you." it was useless, but he wouldn't admit it. He wouldn't admit she was dead, he would never accept it. "Kagome, I love you." he whispered, but she was no longer there to hear him. And the world no longer mattered.


	4. wandering souls

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. But you guys all thought i did didn't you. haha, i fooled you. **

Fourth chapter! Sorry it took me a little while to update. i had to read great expectations for school. :(. anyways, here it is. hope you enjoy!

* * *

The darkness fell quickly that night, bringing with it beautiful stars and a bright, full moon. It was peaceful, like the world was sleeping. And it was so wrong. It didn't go with how they were all feeling, what they had seen.

Inuyasha hadn't moved from where he was sitting, Kagome in his arms, his head bent over her, tears falling onto her cold, pale cheeks, his hand still wrapped in her icy grasp. Cheeks that would never flush pink again, hands that would never bind his wounds, or cling tightly to his shoulders as he ran. He wouldn't move. Not even when his legs started to tingle and burn and his neck ached from bending over to long. He wouldn't move ever. Maybe, some stroke of luck would hit, and in his not moving, a snowstorm would hit and he would freeze to death, or lightning would miraculously hit right where he was sitting.

Never before had he felt so hopeless, so absolutely disgusting and horrible. It was his fault. It was his fault she was dead. Kagome's death was going to haunt him forever. It already was. It kept popping back up in his face, kept laughing at him like the monster he was. He hated himself. Hated himself more then he hated the demons he fought, or Naruku himself. Nothing could compare to the self-loathing he felt. And the sorrow. The despair, the never ending, soul crushing anguish he felt was enough to make him struggle to breathe. It was like a weight was resting on his chest, a weight that no matter what he did, would never come off.

Every time he looked down at her sallow face, hair ragged, dark circles under her eyes, and a trail of tears down her cheeks, he was hit again with a tsunami of emotions, hate and misery being the most potent. Why was he so stupid? Why couldn't he have just seen what was right in front of his eyes? And now it was too late. It always happened like this for him. He never appreciated anything until it was gone.

He promised to himself that if she could just come back, he would never run off to Kikyo again. He would value her more than he valued anything else. He would take the time to talk to her, show her how much he cared. But of course, her eyes didn't suddenly flutter open and he heart beat didn't unexpectedly start beating. She remained cold and hard in his arms. The universe most certainly hated him.

Sango stayed huddled near Kagome and Inuyasha, refusing to leave, even when Miroku had told her she needed sleep, that he and Inuyasha would stay. Her eyes were bloodshot and tears still leaked silently from the corners of them. But she wasn't sobbing. She was sitting, emotionless, her eyes never leaving Kagome's face.

Miroku moved closer to her, wrapping the blanket he had retrieved from the rest spot tighter around her shoulders, then pulling her into his lap. She didn't resist, and rested her head on his shoulder. But her eyes never moved, and her face remained impassive.

Miroku had cried in private. He had tried to hide it, sneaking off into the woods for a few moments, saying he had something to do. But when he came back, his eyes had been red and swollen. He wore the same expressionless mask as Sango.

Inuyasha heard a snap, from in the trees, and he was forced to raise his head to look around. His neck groaned in protest. From the trees he saw a flash of red and white.

Kikyo.

He had forgotten about her.

Had she stayed there, expecting him to run back and cuddle her like a baby, apologizing for running off? Or had she gone away, refusing to even feel a hint of an emotion for anyone?

She emerged from the trees and walked towards him, her soul collectors hovering over her head. She no longer looked scared. Instead her features were tightened into the cool face she always wore.

She didn't say anything to anyone. Instead she hovered at the edge of the clearing, her eyes trained on Kagome.

Inuyasha didn't like the way she stared at her, almost as if waiting for something to happen. Suddenly, her eyes lit up and a small smile graced her features. It was a cruel smile, much like the one a little kid makes when he gets away with something he shouldn't have done. Inuyasha looked down, to make sure Kagome was still in his arms and hadn't wasted away.

That's when he noticed that her body was glowing white, lighting up the entire clearing.

Her chest was moving and her hands clenched convulsively.

Was she coming back from the dead? Was he being given another chance? He watched, entranced, as her torso lifted slightly off the ground, the hole in her chest disappearing. She was coming back. She was actually coming back!

Then balls of light burst from her chest, white, with pink dancing in the center, and hovered in the sky. Kikyo's soul collectors suddenly raced forward, picking up the glimmering balls of light in their feet. It was Kagome's soul. She wasn't coming back. She was just passing on for good.

Inuyasha felt the weight that had lifted slightly of his chest come crashing back down, extra weight added now. She was really dead. She was actually dead. He wouldn't ever see her smile again, never watch as her face distorted in anger at him as she yelled, 'sit'.

As Kagome's soul left her body, the beads on the prayer necklace around his neck slowly melted away, until none of the purple beads were left.

Tears started falling down his cheeks again. He hated crying. It was weak. But he couldn't stop, not when he knew that she was dying permanently, to never come back. There was no hope left at all now.

Sango was crying again too, and Miroku kept looking up at the sky, trying to keep his own tears in.

The last piece of her soul left her body and she collapsed back down, the white light leaving and the hole in her chest reappearing. Inuyasha held her tighter to his body. She was so cold and stiff it made his tears fall even harder.

Sango suddenly cried out and leaped out of Miroku's lap.

"Stop!" she screamed loudly. "Stop! That's Kagome's soul! It doesn't belong to you!" he voice was raising in pitch, becoming more and more hysterical. "Stop! Stop dammit, that's not yours."

Inuyasha looked to where Sango was screaming and saw why. Kikyo's soul collectors where flying towards her, Kagome's soul held tightly in their feet. They were going to give her soul to Kikyo.

He felt rage flow through his body for some unknown reason. Why was he upset about Kikyo having her soul? If she got Kagome's soul, she wouldn't need her soul collectors anymore. She would be back for good.

But that didn't seem like the heaven it had been before. Know it only served to anger him. No wonder she had come back. It was to take Kagome's soul.

He gently laid her on the ground and leaped up, cracking his knuckles.

Kikyo looked at him in surprise. "Inuyasha, what are you doing?" she asked.

He looked back at Kagome's tiny body, looking even paler and lifeless then before. It filled him with even more anger, and he jumped into the air, slashing down at the first dragon-like creature he saw.

His hand went right through it. _'Damn!'_ he thought. Then he noticed one glowing orb float up into the sky, slowly rising higher and higher. He looked down at the demon he had slashed through and saw that it's body was shimmering, and it had become see-through.

So he couldn't kill them. But he could at least make sure they couldn't hold onto the souls. He sliced through another demon, watching as the glowing orb escaped from it's tiny feet and the soul-collectors body flickered back and forth, from being whole, to looking like smoke.

He did it again and again, until every tiny globe of Kagome's soul was floating into the sky.

"What are you doing Inuyasha?" Kikyo asked. She was trying to keep her voice calm, but it shook slightly out of anger.

"It's Kagome's soul." he answered hoarsely, his voice sore non-use.

She scoffed. "Ha, it's my soul. Don't you know? She is merely a reincarnation. That soul belongs to me."

"It did belong to you. But it's hers now. You shouldn't be here in the first place." he answered, remembering what Kagome had told him on a regular basis. That Kikyo didn't belong her, just like she didn't. Kikyo should be dead.

"Your supposed to be dead." he whispered. "Your not supposed to be splitting Kagome's soul."

Kikyo's face twisted slightly, anger apparent on her features. "Yes, but I am here and that soul was originally mine. I should be free to take it if I want it."

She looked at him with a condemning glint in her eyes, and her face twisted into a smug look.

"I won't let you have it." he looked up from the ground to stare into her eyes. Eyes that were so empty. She looked just like Kagome, with pale skin and lifeless eyes. Why hadn't he noticed before just how……dead she looked?

"Why Inuyasha? What do you think is going to happen? What is her soul going to do? Wander forever? Why not give it to me, so I can live again. We can be together, like you wanted."

Inuyasha flinched. She was right. He had wanted that. But not anymore. He wanted Kagome to be alive. That was all that mattered. And imagining Kikyo with Kagome's soul keeping her alive sickened him.

"She can go somewhere happier now. She won't be stuck here, inside of you. She can be happy."

Kikyo sneered. "I thought you didn't believe in the afterlife Inuyasha. You always used to say that if you died, it's because you were to stupid to live. Don't you remember?"

He did. He closed his eyes and sighed. "I used to. But then I met Kagome. And she makes me think that maybe there is something after this life. We can't live forever. We have to die. And maybe, if we're lucky, we can go somewhere happier."

Kikyo shook her head slowly and looked at him with rage. "You're an idiot Inuyasha. There is no afterlife. I know. I was dead. And her soul is going to wander forever because of you. She'll never have happiness. And now, neither will I." she snarled.

"I can't fell sorry for you." he answered, and turned around and walked back to where Kagome was laying and pulled her back into his lap.

Kikyo glared at him, before slowly turning, her soul collectors falling behind, like balls of smoke.

Inuyasha looked up at the sky, where the tiny balls of light where almost gone, disappearing into the dark.

"_Her soul is going to wonder forever because of you. She'll never have happiness." _

Inuyasha watched as the glowing spheres disappeared.

'_Please find happiness Kagome. You deserve it.'_


	5. the girl from the well

**Fifth chapter! Sorry it took me so long to update. school has kept me suppppeerrr busy. but i'm going to try really hard to update sooner. r&r please!**

**disclaimer: i do no own inuyasha**

* * *

It had been exactly three weeks since Kagome's soul had floated into the sky, leaving behind her body for good. Inuyasha had counted each day. Every day, when the sun broke over the horizon to show it's brilliant face, the pain would wash over him again, like a freshly opened wound. He had learned to do something always, to not let his mind wander. There was only one place it would drift to. The one place he couldn't let it go.

The sun hadn't yet risen yet when Sango and Miroku started rolling their bed mats up and packing them into Kagome's yellow backpack. No, not Kagome's backpack. THE yellow backpack.

The fire was put out quickly, the leftover food was packed, and supplies were gathered. They were running low on medicine. They wouldn't be able to get anymore. They stopped patching small wounds. It wasted too much of the bandages. And the way Inuyasha kept them moving, constantly searching for a demon, any demon, trying to catch the scent of Naruku, their bodies were continually getting bruised and battered. Even so, none of them asked to stop. No one wanted to be able to think of anything other than staying alive.

And even so Inuyasha found his mind straying to other thoughts. He remembered so vividly, the day he had to take Kagome's body back home. Truth be told, had he almost been hopeful for the beating he knew he was going to get.

He wanted Kagome's mom to hate him, he wanted Sota to never trust him again, he wanted her grandpa to wish he was dead.

But it hadn't worked out that way. He had jumped down the well, and ran quickly to her house, fast enough that the people on the street's didn't see a boy with dog ears carrying a dead girl in his arms pass.

He hadn't thought that the sight of her seeing her house in front of him would cause his to heart to squeeze painfully tight. Tears had stung his eyes. He remembered the feeling of bile in the back of his throat, the way he had tipped his head up to let the falling rain wash away the proof of his tears.

He remembered so much from this house. All the times he had come back for Kagome, to see her in her room studying or sleeping or reading. He wouldn't be able to do any of that anymore. What excuse would he have for coming here? Why would he want to come here anyways? Kagome wasn't in this world any longer. She wasn't in any world that he could go to.

He remembered so well, walking into the house, pulling back the door with his foot. They were all sitting at the table, breakfast sitting on the table.

Sota's fork was poised in the air, midway to his mouth. Kagome's mom had been smiling and laughing with her grandpa.

They looked like a commercial for the perfect family. That was, until he arrived. Everything after that was slightly blurred.

When he had jumped into the well, carrying her broken body he had been so sure that he was going to tell them that it was his fault she was dead. That he had been stupid and ungrateful and had left her all alone. But seeing the look Sota gave him, pity for him, instead of himself, Inuyasha had broken down and fallen to the floor, weeping over her body.

He had grown so weak. No wonder his brother mocked him. He had all these stupid emotions. If he was a demon he wouldn't feel sorrow. He wouldn't feel despair. He wouldn't feel soul-wrenching agony.

He wouldn't feel love. He wouldn't know the feeling of being loved. He wouldn't have found Kagome, fallen in love with her.

But the pain in his heart was consuming him. It blurred everything. He would see Kagome everywhere, smiling and laughing, crying and giggling, shouting and talking in the lowest voice. She was everything he saw. Everything he thought of.

His mind wandered yet again, to bringing Kagome home. Why hadn't they hated him? Why hadn't they cursed him and thrown things him? Why hadn't they shouted at him that he was a filthy half-breed, that he was an idiot, someone who didn't deserve Kagome in the first place?

Why had they taken his numb body and walked him to Kagome's room. Why had they whispered soothing words and said they didn't blame him? Even when he told them it was him, he was the one who killed her, they wouldn't listen.

They had cried as much as he had, had asked Kami for her back, had done incantation after incantation, but they didn't once blame him. And that made the pain all the more worse.

He had woken up the next day, his eyes swollen and bloodshot, surrounded by Kagome's scent and wrapped under her blankets. He never wanted to leave. But he had too. He had to keep moving.

Inuyasha shook his head, dispelling the thoughts that lingered there. He sniffed the air, twitched his ears, and stiffened. They were here. The bird demons they had been hunting for the past week.

They carried a jewel shard, that much he knew. It had been by luck that he had spotted it in one of the bird's claws. Just like when Kagome had first arrived down the well.

_'Stop it!'_ he commanded himself. _'Just get the shard and kill the demons. That's all the matters.'_

He flicked his head to the side, motioning silently for Sango and Miroku to get on the left side of him. They followed his inclination noiselessly.

Inuyasha spared a moment to look at the demon slayer and the monk walking closely beside her.

There eyes were what he always noticed first. The was they looked dull, the way they reflected no light, no happiness, no laughter. They way they looked lifeless.

And they way, when he looked into their eyes, reflected back at him was his own lackluster eyes, that reflected only pain. Eyes that showed no emotion. Eyes of someone dead.

The houshi and taijiya walked beside him, keeping up with his swift pace. They're faces remained impassive and stoic, showing no emotion. They walked close, they're hands brushing occasionally. They thought he didn't know. They thought he didn't know that late at night, when they thought he had gone to sleep, that they dropped their façades and showed their emotions. They cried with their arms wrapped around each other. Miroku would always comfort Sango, trying to hide his own sorrow.

After the second week, they had all stopped crying. It took to much to cry. They couldn't cry anymore. There was nothing left.

So instead, Sango and Miroku talked through the night, about him, about Kagome, about each other.

They didn't know they every time he saw them huddled together, it made him remember Kagome, and the talks they would share sometimes, when he was brave enough to open up.

But it didn't matter anymore, because there was no on to talk to anymore.

Inuyasha pushed his thoughts out of his head and made his mind blank, like he always did. It was the only way to keep out the pain.

* * *

The sun was just setting when the last crow was destroyed. Inuyasha watched, disgusted, as crow after crow died, and no jewel shard appeared. He had thought one of them had been carrying a jewel shard. He had been sure that he had seen the purple glint of it shining in the light.

But after destroying the birds, not one carried the tiny fragment he so desperately wanted.

He had decided. He was going to complete the jewel. And he was going to become a full demon. Kagome hadn't wanted him too. And for a moment, he had actually thought about not being a full demon. He forgot about the reason he searched for the jewel shards relentlessly. It only mattered that they got the jewel shards before Naruku could. He had forgotten that he had set out on this journey only for himself. Kikyo had deserted him. Naruku had angered him. And now Kagome had destroyed him.

The feelings, the emotions, ones he had never shown before, were becoming too much. Before Kagome, had he ever cried? No. Before Kagome, had he ever felt sorrow like he did now? No. And before Kagome had he ever let his goal out of sight, because something more important had come along? No.

He had thought he had loved with Kikyo. He had thought no other person could compare to her. But even after discovering Naurku's betrayal, that her death was by his hand, he didn't feel the way he did now.

He scoffed. He used to be undefeatable. He had been strong, powerful, unfeeling. He didn't care who they were, if they were in he his way, he would destroy them. And now, he couldn't even find a measly jewel shard.

He was becoming useless. What would Sesshomaru think of him now? He was weaker then he ever had been before.

And that was why the jewel would be his. He could start over, with no memories left of any of these people.

That was how it needed to be. That would make it easier for them all. To move on and forget. It was the best way. The only way. And he had decided that this what would he do. And no one would be able to stop him.

They set out for Kaede's village as soon as Inuyasha became sick of scavenging the woods for a jewel shard that wasn't there. He cursed in his head and clenched his fists.

_'This would be so much easier if Kag-'_

He stopped that thought before it could progress into anything more and focused on the sky. Sango and Miroku followed behind him, crunching on leaves occasionally, there voices soft mummers.

"Don't you think we should stop for a bit Inuyasha?" Sango had walked forward and rested her hand on his shoulder.

"It would be easier to rest here, then continue in the morning." She spoke softly, but her voice was coming back slowly. She used to not say a word, even when Miroku talked to her. And now, for the first time since Kagome had passed away, her eyes held a tiny flicker of life. She was recovering.

He never would. She was luckier than she could imagine. He sucked in a breath and shook his head.

"No, we need to make it back to the village. Miroku needs to have his cut treated and we all need some food. It should be about 20 more feet. We can make it."

Even to his own ears, his voice sounded unfeeling.

Sango sighed and a twinge of sadness appeared in her eyes.

"If you talk about it, it'll make you feel better." she stopped and messed with the straps on the backpack, then looked back up. "I…I know….how you must feel. I….loved her. She was my sis-"

"Stop." he whispered. "Just stop."

Sango looked up at him, her eyes pleading. He looked away and the woods feel silent again.

* * *

They arrived at Kaede's village not to later. No one was wandering around outside the village and all the candles in the huts had been blown out. They were all sleeping.

Sango and Miroku walked ahead of him, heading towards their huts, that stood beside each other. Sango pushed aside Miroku's hanging door and entered, already pulling bandages from the backpack. Miroku stopped and turned to look at Inuyasha.

"We're here…if you need us. You don't have to do this alone."

He looked at him, for what seemed like an eternity, then turned and followed Sango into the hut.

Inuyasha released the breath he had been holding, and walked across the field. He didn't know where he was going but he knew he wasn't going to sleep. He never did.

The first night he had tried to sleep was the night he had come back from Kagome's.

The minute his eyes had closed, memories of Kagome being pierced by the demon's tail, falling to the ground, soaked in blood, life leaving her, plagued him.

Not sleeping was much better than going through that. Of course his body was exhausted and at any moment he would drop dead. After all he was only half demon.

But this was the price he was paying. The price he would pay until he could complete the jewel and make his wish.

Of course the first thing he had thought was to wish Kagome back. He had even gone so far to ask the houshi if it was possible to wish someone back from the dead.

Miroku had looked at him so sadly he knew the answer without being told. Of course not. That would be to much forgiveness to be granted. Too many chances had been given already. He wasn't getting anymore.

Surprisingly, he found himself in front of the well. He thought for a moment about running away quickly, before any memories could appear and haunt his head. But something made him stay, and his feet started moving of their own accord towards the wooden well standing in the middle of the field.

He ran his finger over the rough wood and felt memories come rushing back. He could see in his mind's eye, Kagome climbing out of the well, yellow backpack slung over her shoulder, a smile on her face, her hand waving.

He sighed and sank to the ground.

"Kagome, why'd you have to leave me. Don't you know how much I need you?"

It happened in an instant. In an instant his whole world was turned upside down.

From the well, a bright purple light flashed. He leaped up, preparing for a demon to appear.

Instead, two small, feminine hands appeared on the sides of the well, followed quickly by a face, a body, and two small feet.

The girl finished pulling herself from the well, and dusted off her skirt and hands.

She was wearing a school uniform, exactly like the one Kagome had always worn.

He hair was hanging in long waves down past her hips, and in the darkness, Inuyasha could make out large, beautiful, blue eyes that looked like tiny pools of water. She rested her hands on tiny hips and pouted full lips before smiling a brilliant smile.

"Aren't you going to say hello?" she said, in a voice that sounded like honey.

Who was this girl? She looked similar to Kagome, with big eyes and a round face. But she was prettier, and held herself in a more confident way.

He narrowed his eyes. Who was this girl, and how the hell did she make it through the well? Only he and Kagome were supposed to be able to make it through that well. Was this one of Kagome's friends, who had somehow gotten a hold of jewel shard. And if she was, how had she gotten it?

"Who are you?" he growled, flicking his claws out threateningly, angry at the thought of someone scavenging through Kagome's room. He didn't know this girl. And Kagome would have let him meet her if it was her friend. He glared at her. "I said, who are you!?"

"Inuyasha don't you recognize me?" the girl asked softly. "It's me…Kagome."


End file.
